Zen and the Art of Toilet Paper

It was around four decades ago that I was witnessing an argument about toilet paper by two of the biggest names in the orchid industry.

At the time, I was working my way through college at an orchid nursery in San Gabriel, California. The president of the company (big name number one) wasn't in the argument but his wife was (still had the name as a perk of the marriage). The vice president of the company...who actually ran the business side of things...was big name number two.

"Paul, you have to know that you're wasting money on that cheap toilet paper," the wife would tell him. "If you get the good two-ply paper, you'll use less of it."

"Toilet paper is toilet paper!" he replied. "People will use a lot of is just because it's free."

This went on to the amusement of us employees and a few customers as the two argued for half an hour in the middle of our main showroom about the pros and cons of toilet paper quality. I can't remember who won that argument but I suspect the wife made a rare victory over the former Marine colonel who ran the shop.

Why am I reminded of this? Why, it's another symptom of Covid 19, that do-it-all bad guy of 2020.

As the world turmoiled over this virus and responded by wiping the shelves of toilet paper, more than a few of us started to pay more attention to that humble, dissolvable paper on a roll sitting next to our commodes.

For many years, now, we've been Charmin people. That's because it's the brand sold in 30 pack bundles at Costco (they also have their own Kirkland brand but we've never bought that). One pack lasts us a couple of months.

We were lucky, we went to Costco for our bi-monthly run just before our governor imposed a 2 month shelter-in-place (SIP) order for our state. While we could still go out shopping, people took this as the call to stock up on paper and cleaning products, cleaning out all of those items from store shelves around the world.

In the meantime, there were times I'd pick up a pack at our local store, when available, to have as an emergency if Costco would not have any in stock on our next adventure. It's then that I became...as I suspect many of you are, now...a toilet paper connoisseur.

For instance, I now notice that Angel Soft...a brand I thought was pretty good...was a good half inch narrower per roll than Charmin (see pic at top). Although two-ply, it is still nowhere as soft and...as our orchid lady at the top noticed...we use more of it than the Charmin.

We've also noticed that the one-ply rolls that hotels usually provide run out quickly like a bad date. You always wonder if that one extra roll they put in the bathroom will be enough when you're having dinner at Bubba's Discount Barbecue nextdoor.

Scott has big, 1000 sheet rolls but it's one-ply and very rough.

In the end, we're still with the Cadillac of toilet papers, Charmin. Mr. Whipple and his bears would be proud.

Darryl Musick
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