CEREBRAL PALSY STORIES: Tim's Mental Health Mayhem of 2015 to 2018 Part 3: The Long and Winding Road to Recovery-Taking Control of My Anxiety and Depression

In the first part part of this story I went on the record and finally opened up about my three year battle with anxiety and depression that started in 2015. In part two I discussed what led up to my three years of experiences with anxiety and depression. In this third and final part of this story, I will take you inside my journey during which I had various instances of anxiety and depression the issues that I have had to deal with mentally and how I have successfully managed to deal with and overcome them to be what is hopefully a better version of the person that I was some three years ago.

The main physical component causing my sickness was lack of sleep. I went to see a sleep specialist for help. The visits with this doctor consisted of an introductory one where I was with my mom and we described to the doctor what had been going on and what my symptoms were. During this visit, they also took my vital signs such as my blood pressure to see how I was doing physically. Other than the fact that my blood pressure was a little high and the troubles I was having with getting enough sleep, I think everything else was considered to be normal and good.

After the conclusion of that first visit with the sleep doctor I came back for what would be my second and most interesting visit to see the sleep doctor a few weeks later. That's because I had to actually spend the night at the office and sleep there so I could undergo a series of tests to see if I possibly had a sleeping disorder known as sleep apnea. For those that may not know what sleep apnea is, it is a sleep disorder in which breathing repeatedly stops and starts.

In order to figure out whether or not I did have sleep apnea, I had to wear a sleeping mask that was connected to a Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (CPAP) machine. To make a long story short, it was found out that I did indeed have sleep apnea and I have now been using a CPAP machine to help me sleep better for almost the last three years or so.

As for getting the mental health issues that I had with anxiety and depression that caused me to have various incidents of panic attacks and hallucinations, I ended up having to go see a psychologist/therapist to help me feel better and deal with the various issues that I started having. 

The first time that I went to see a therapist, I ended up going there for about a period of about only one month after which the doctor said that I had been suffering from insomnia but that I was slowly but surely getting better.

Dad: After the nights of crisis, emergency room visits, and the visit from the county mental health team, we took Tim to his primary care doctor. Because of how our insurance is structured, he basically told us he could do nothing for mental health issues and we’d have to take it up with our insurance carrier to find help.

We had to call our insurance carrier to get approval for mental health treatment for Tim. They referred us to a contractor who provided us a list of approved psychologists and psychiatrists. It was up to us to contact someone on that list a make an appointment with them.

The first psychologist saw Tim for a couple of months of weekly visits then said he didn’t need him anymore.

After seeing the first psychologist however, there were times when I was still experiencing periods of both anxiety and depression. For me, it took a little over a year to realize that I needed to go see another psychologist since I was still struggling mentally with some unresolved issues. 

The good thing for me though was that compared to the first time I went to see a psychologist when my anxiety and depression first started, I felt that I was better prepared to see a psychologist the second time around since I had a better idea of what the whole experience was going to be like. During this time before I went back to see a therapist, I also had a better idea of what the issues were that I was having which had an effect on the mental health aspect of my life.

Dad: The second psychologist saw Tim for almost two years on a biweekly basis. She recently retired and Tim is no longer seeing a psychologist at this time.

In addition to those visits with the psychologist my dad and I also started implementing some meditation and pow wow sessions into my daily and or weekly routine. The meditation sessions consisted of focusing on my breathing and trying my best to not do the snorting tick habit that I had started to do. These sessions would last for about five minutes on most days and they were very helpful for me the more times that I did them.

The pow wow sessions were done on a weekly basis most of the time and my dad and I would usually talk about what issues I may have had or did have throughout a given week. These were also very helpful for me.

Dad – The pow wow sessions are also helpful to me to help me understand what’s going on with Tim and to try to avoid getting angry when I don’t know why he sometimes behaves the way he does.

Fast forwarding to some three years later to now, the good news is that for now I am no longer seeing a psychologist after spending the last two years or so doing just that. As a result, my overall anxiety and depression levels are a lot lower than what they were when this whole journey started. I feel like I have definitely learned some very valuable life lessons for myself along the way and hopefully anyone out there dealing with similar issues like I did can see that they are not alone and that there is hope. Lastly, I would like to say thank you all of my family, friends and doctors who provided help and guidance to me along and supported me throughout the tough times during the last few years. I could not have done without all of you. I am truly appreciative and very grateful for it.

Tim Musick-with contributions from Darryl Musick.

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